#BookReview: The Lloyd Haynes Story

The Lloyd Haynes Story by Carolyn Haynes is an extraordinary memoir!
Carolyn's life as she knows it ends the night she meets a handsome bra salesman – only she still has a lot to discover about him. The strength of her love in this fascinating love story becomes evident in the brilliant way she puts together notes, anecdotes, articles, photos, and stories to weave a beautiful tapestry of this truly remarkable man's life. FIVE STARS! 

Book Review

The Complexities of Love, by M. A. Quigley, is the captivating journey of Mark, who grows up both knowing he's different and feeling tormented by his inability to communicate his desires. At a time when people don't talk about their sexual orientation, this young man also keeps his feelings for Dave a secret and waits, hoping his love will be returned. Will Mark find the love he is seeking? 

The author beautifully depicts the main character and takes the reader on an emotional ride. I highly recommend this book.

Goodbye, November

Goodbye, November.

November has always been a month of lessons for me. This past month has been no exception.

The month started with an old acquaintance reaching out to me and asking me for help with a book she wanted to write. I'd interacted with her before, and what came to my mind immediately was that in my past experiences with her, I'd always felt I'd wasted my time. My instinct told me to turn her down instantly. I don't know why I didn't listen to the voice that has always helped and protected me... Instead, I tried to rationalize everything: Just because I've kept a bad memory of my exchanges with her doesn't mean it will be the same this time... People change... Be kind...

Ten days in, and after I'd spent 26 hours researching other artists' books and other artworks like hers and creating an outline for her book, she told me she'd changed her mind and she wanted her money back, the first half which I always charge all my clients before I begin working for them. I knew I could keep it and justify keeping it in any court of law, but I took a deep breath and decided to give it to her. I just didn't want to waste another second on her. I refunded every cent of the money she'd paid for the potential book and moved on.

On Sunday, November 28, about two weeks after I gave her money back, I received a message from her asking me to give her the research I'd done... because I wasn't going to use it anyway and it would go to waste, right? All I could do was laugh, and, of course, I didn't respond at all.

The lesson here was not a new one, just a reminder. Always listen to your inner voice. Don't doubt it. Don't rationalize it. People don't change that much. Use your experience.

I'm grateful for that reminder.

Toward the middle of the month, someone I considered a friend on Twitter tweeted a lie about me. I was shocked... but I trusted this person and decided to be generous in my assumptions, so I sent her a DM in good humor, pointing out that what she had tweeted wasn't true, and I followed my message with self-deprecating statements just to keep the level of humor up. I expected her to reply something like “oh, crap... I meant to say –,” but, instead, I got “Stop DMing me! Leave me alone!” and the F word, followed by some crisis she was in. Again... I was shocked at her poor reaction to my message, but I decided to be understanding. I apologized for having upset her and told her “I didn't mean to upset you AT ALL.” Then I stopped DMing her and I left her alone, just as she wanted. 

A few days passed. I was expecting an apology from her, but that never came. To make things even clearer about her character and to remove any doubt from my mind that an apology wasn't coming, she played the victim and tweeted about someone having insulted her.

This was a friend, someone I trusted... someone who had given me valuable advice and help in the past, and, in return, I had purchased all her books at once as a thank you. This was someone to whom I had taken the time to explain grammar features she continuously used incorrectly in her books so that she wouldn't repeat these errors in her future books, someone for whom I had written two book reviews, someone whose tweets I had retweeted daily for the past two years. I was sure she was better than that. 

I took the time to write a long letter, just out of respect for what I thought was a friendship and because I hate miscommunication, explaining what my intentions and my expectations were and pointing out the humor in my self-deprecating messages. What I got once again was the F word, along with don't tag me and don't message me. I acknowledged receipt of her message with a thumb up and blocked her. 

I couldn't believe these exchanges, but she had gone out of her way to show me exactly what kind of a person she really was... twice. Goodbye, former friend. I wish you well... I won't stoop to your level. I won't trash your name like you did / are doing mine. As someone before me said, I still want you to eat, just not at my table. What's funny is all this started because she had tweeted a lie... and it has come full circle... with more lies... like her being the victim.

The lesson here was... Well, there were two lessons: 

First, don't ignore the red flags along the way just because you like someone. There were plenty of those, and I ignored them one after the other, the very last one being how I had only published one book whereas she had published so many. I wasn't aware it was a competition. 

Second, if and when someone publicly lies about you, confront them publicly, and don't worry about humiliating them. Remember that they didn't have a problem lying about you. I learned five – almost six – years ago that nobody trashes your name more than someone who's afraid you're going to tell the public the truth. 

I am grateful for these lessons as well.

Another unfortunate incident this month happened last week. I put my phone and my spare car key on the car right before I fastened the dogs' seatbelts, thinking I would pick them up right after; then I got in my car and drove away... I was about five miles away when I remembered what I had done. I pulled over, hoping everything would still be there. I live in the woods and drive slowly because of all the animals crossing the roads, so it wouldn't be completely impossible for the phone and the key to have stayed on the car... but no such luck. I had gone out to buy more bags of concrete for my construction, so I went and picked the bags up and returned home, looking at the road very carefully on the way back. Nothing. Maybe they were crushed by another car? Maybe someone picked them up? I didn't have a password on my phone, and that bothered me a lot.

As soon as I arrived home, I got on the computer and did a quick search. I learned three new facts: 1) You can lock your phone by adding a password to it remotely. 2) You can find the approximate location of your phone online. 3) You can make your phone ring loudly for five minutes even if it is set on silent. I did this and drove back with my four windows down, and about three miles out, I heard my phone. I pulled over and found it in the weeds on the side of the road, and, just a few feet farther, there was my spare key. I couldn't believe it! I felt so grateful.

Besides these three helpful facts, the lesson here was the reminder to never put anything on your car.

Goodbye, November. Thanks for the lessons. I appreciate them. I survived another November, and, for that I am grateful.