April

It's the last day of April...
What a month!
And what a terrific (in both definitions of the word — current and archaic) test for me!
I feel a little proud of myself for recognizing the good in each situation and focusing on that.

~

The month started with me at my desk for twenty-two hours straight, formatting a rather large book, with pictures, for a friend. It was exhausting…but I knew it would be even more challenging for her if she tried to do it, so I put myself through this unpleasant experience.

BUT

I felt a wonderful sense of accomplishment once I finished it around 5:30 p.m. and I knew my friend was relieved that this was done. Also, I slept well that night — better than any night in the last seven years; in fact, I may have passed out.

~

A few days later, I found out that someone I knew — and loved — had died a while back. He was a wonderful human being, one of those people you could talk to, knowing he would get what you said and wouldn’t judge you, knowing you wouldn’t have to filter anything you wanted to say. He was also a true gentleman.

It was in 2010, right after my first children’s book came out, that someone recommended Reza to me. He had a print shop and I needed business cards. He made my cards — did a fantastic job, too, in terms of both quality and price. After that, I saw him regularly at various business events in Orange County, California. We didn’t have any online connection except for a few business-related email exchanges.

After I left California and got settled in Arkansas, I wanted to reconnect with him and keep in touch. I managed to find two accounts in his name on social media platforms, both private, and sent him requests to connect. After a long while, not having received any response to my requests, I thought maybe he wasn’t active on those platforms; after all, many people have accounts but don’t use them. I sent him an email message to his work email, the only email address I had, and when I didn’t hear back, I thought he may have closed his business — he had mentioned the possibility of doing so the last time I had seen him. Finally, I googled him to see if I could find a different way to contact him and sadly came across the announcement of his death — a heart attack. He was around my age…in his fifties. Apparently, he had died soon after I had left California, and before my efforts to reach him.

It broke my heart…

BUT

I felt honored to have met and known him in my life, and I felt grateful for the friendship… because I could count on one hand the number of people I’ve met in my life that were this honorable.

~

In the days that followed, I had very little motivation to do anything. Following the news of the horrific events that unfold in Iran didn’t exactly make me feel better, thinking about all the young people who died, the void they left, and the futures they’ll never get to have…

BUT

History has shown us that every revolution has a high cost, so I did what I could to help, in my own limited way, and continued to read, translate, and share the atrocities of the Islamic Republic Guard Corps — a.k.a. terrorists — in Iran.

~

Two days in a row, my phone warned me of a tornado coming and told me to take shelter.  Since I came to live in the woods, I’ve had many tornado watches but only a few tornado warnings. Since these warnings often accompany severe storms, I also lose power when they come along, and with three terrified dogs, I’m paralyzed through it and have to sit in a safe place and hold all three of them for as long as the warning is in effect, which sometimes lasts a few hours…

BUT

I’m grateful all four of us survived both warnings, whereas some didn’t, as I later found out.

~

I spent two entire weeks with severe headaches — two kinds of headaches. I’ve always had problems with my sinuses, but it gets worse in the spring; my sinuses flare up when plants start releasing pollen, and that causes a headache that won’t quit. Nothing alleviates the pain. I’ve tried all kinds of pills and syrups. Recently, I found out that I have advanced arthritis in my neck — I didn’t even know I had arthritis, let alone advanced arthritis — which also causes terrible headaches…

BUT

At least I know why I’m experiencing this pain. It’s not scary like when I feel pain and don’t know why; it’s just uncomfortable pressure caused by known issues.

~

This month, I found a hypocrite among the few people I interact with. No matter how small I keep my circle, they always appear, like weeds…

BUT

I’m grateful I noticed it and saw their true colors. 

~

So...
Thank you, April, for the challenges...
And thank you for letting me feel the pain but focus on the good.
Goodbye, April.
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.