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Ever since my little Koochooloo gave birth to her son, making me the proud owner — and servant — of a family of dogs, I’ve celebrated her on Mother’s Day. Even though I’m the mother of three furry babies, in my house, Koochooloo has been the only real mother.

This year Mother’s Day was a little different. Koochooloo didn’t sleep at all Saturday night. She spent the entire night walking around the room or just standing in one place: no sleeping or even sitting. She was restless and threw up a few times. Sunday morning, she didn’t want her breakfast. She just kept walking around the bedroom. She seemed frustrated, and I noticed she breathed more loudly than usual. Every time I tried to hold her, she stayed in my arms a couple minutes but then wanted to go walk around again. 

When I took the two boys out, Koochooloo didn’t want to come with us. I picked her up and took her outside because I didn’t want to leave her alone and I thought she would want to pee. She just stood right where I put her and didn’t move a muscle during the ten minutes or so that we stayed outside. Clearly, something was very wrong. This became more evident when she didn’t want dinner either. 

Once I turned the lights off and the other two dogs went to bed, she went to the dog bed we have — which no one ever uses because they all usually sleep on my bed. She started breathing fast, and, after a while, it got faster and noisier. I didn’t know how to communicate with her because she lost both her sight and her hearing a while back. I pressed my forehead against her head and held it there for a while. She calmed down a little, and I put my left hand under her head and held her paw with my right hand. About ten minutes after that, my little girl’s beautiful heart stopped beating and she exhaled for the last time at 2:45 am on Monday, May 15, with my hand under her head and my other hand holding her left paw.

I had the honor of living with her since May 1, 2010, when she was only four weeks old. We had thirteen years and two weeks together. Koochooloo took a big piece of my heart with her. 

It is 4:45 am now. Koochooloo’s body is still resting in the dog bed, and the two boys are still sleeping. I don’t know how they will react to her death. They’ve never been apart. I haven't slept in more than 48 hours, and I feel exhausted, but I can’t sleep. I’m waiting for daylight to give her a proper burial.